It has been too long since my last blog… too long!!! I have thought of many opportunities to write but frankly the energy has not been there… but then something happens in my world that makes me want to share… or better yet… NEED TO SHARE!
That something happened 2 weeks ago at 345 am when my duty cell phone rang. On the other end was our base command post, kind of like the Air Force base’s 911 system, informing me that a marine was killed in Afghanistan 3 hrs ago and that I was needed to make a death notification no later than 530 am.
I immediately got out of bed and prepared my service dress uniform. It wasn’t until I was at the base in a briefing that was explaining the details of how this young (19 yr old) marine died , did I really come to grips with what I was preparing to do. Yes I have done death notifications before, BUT this one was different. All the training that I had been through began to flood my mind; my communication with God open wider than it had been in a long time and all of the death notification scenes from the many Hollywood movies that I have seen began to popcorn in my brain.
I was anxious, very anxious and wanted to get it over with. This was not just another “notification” this was a battle field notification; in my opinion, the worse kind. It brings the war right into the living room! I was about to give the dreaded news that every person’s family who is deployed and in harms ways dreams of never hearing. I was about to be that “face” of the character sitting across from the mother, wife, father or siblings that has been in their nightmares since their loved one was been gone.
How was I going to do this? Only through God’s grace!
I prayed harder and longer that morning than I have in a long time. I sent text messages to my friends and as they replied and I read them I literally began to feel the weight of the burden that I was carrying be lifted from my shoulders.
"For My yoke is easy, and My load is light" Matthew 11:30 and Isaiah 26:3-4 “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you, Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal – carried me through that day.
Yes it was tough, I battled back tears as this marine hero’s mom clutched a childhood picture of her eldest son, and as I overheard his younger siblings sob from their upstairs sanctuary, but I knew that He was with me in a very tangible and practical way.
Indeed I felt the “effectual fervent prayer of the righteous men” James 5:16b, carry me through this day - The toughest day on the job – thus far!
Question: How has God helped you make it through a tough day?
How has God helped me make it through a tough day?
ReplyDeleteAugust 24, 2007 and August 25, 2007 - After 4 years of trying to have children, Aaron and I were blessed via IVF in May 2007 with the news that we were pregnant. A few weeks later we were doublely blessed with the news of twins! However, this pregnancy was not easy and at week 19, one of the bags of water broke. Twelve days later we had our first son Ethan, who passed away during the delivery process. The doctors did everything they could to save the pregnancy. But God called our second son 33 hours and 1 minute later with his birth. With just a few hours of life, Andrew's presence made the greatest difference in our lives and our understanding. Without our faith, I would be asking why me? Why did you give me two son's then take them before I could even get to know them? My faith answered these questions. I am strong and he gave to me two angles who will watch over us. These are his son's and he called them back. This wasn't a tough day, this was the tougest days of my life.
I recall every minutes like it just happened. When we got in the car to drive home from the hospital, the song playing on the radio was How Great is our God and even then, I was not angry, I was sad, but knew that God's plan is not for my understanding but for my acceptance.
These last few days have been hard on me, as three years ago on April 17th was when we did our egg retrieval and three years ago tomorrow is when they transfered these two lives to my uterus.
He did not end 2007 without giving me the gift of another pregnancy. On December 31, 2007 we found out we were pregnant with the aid of fertility drugs. And a few weeks later, the news of twins. Yet, on Ash Wednesday of 2008, we lost one of the babies. I could not ask why me, I asked only that he watch over the pregnancy and bring us a healthy baby. And just a few days shy of our twins birthdays, a daughter was born. On August 21, 2008, Aedyn Satori (little firey one who is enlightend) was born.
God then brought us the surprise in 2009 with a natural pregnancy with no complications or trials. Our son was born on December 31, 2009, Ian Jude.
While the days on this earth are filled with trials, he stands beside you as he has always done. Having faith that he was there holding my hand though every trial brought me to acceptance.
I do not try to understand why he decided that my sons should be his angles so early. I accept that he has them in Heaven for a special purpose and I will meet them again one day and we will spend ever lasting life together.
How has God helped you make it through a tough day? The simple answer to that would be by always helping me see clearly. Anger, frustration, sadness or any form of anxiety can cloud anyones judgment. But it seems like just as soon as I feel one of these emotions something from the inside of me reminds me of all that I have and should be grateful for.
ReplyDelete@Christine - "God's plan is not for my understanding but for my acceptance" --- this is perhaps the most profound statement that I have heard in a long time... it is so true that I struggle to agree... thanks for the insight on humility and strength... thanks...
ReplyDelete@TCP --- Radi... so true He is like a light in the fog of emotions.... When I listen to Him I avoid having tough days... thanks for the comment...
ReplyDelete